DO I NEED THE HOOK?

(with manic guitar)

do I need the hook
   of potential rejection
to still
   my critical eye?
do I need the lure
   of uncertain reception
to ensure
   I don't pass you by?

do I need a hood
   over happiness
to light
   my fire?
do I need a cloud
   more than a silver lining
to stir
   my desire?

do I need your gaze
   to say, maybe at best
to tempt my love
   to arise?
do I need the hook
   of potential rejection
to exempt you from
   my critical eye?

do I need distance
   to stave off
my turning from
   this chance?

or is this attraction
     just a passing phase
is this attraction
     to someone
          who looks, pulls me near, withdraws
bad luck
a matter of timing
the luck of the draw?

I've had enough analysis
     to have broken old constraints
I no longer feel paralysis
     or frozen with fear
yet in the last analysis
     where have I got?
am I an advertisement
     for what should nor
     happen with therapy
     for what instead should be
     the unhappy lot
     of those without the benefit
                      of self-help
                      recovery
                      twelve-step programs
                      gestalt
                      bioenergetics
                      primal scream
                      counseling
                      group work
                      Oprah Winfrey?

sad to relate
is that
my fate?

no longer frozen
          by old taboos
          or with fear
defenses down
hopes up
I run amuck
and get stuck

am I hooked on
   potential rejection?
do I need
   a critical eye
to still
   my own turning away
to quiet
   my doubts
   my latent negation
   my rapid hesitation
   my still-active defenses
     against  loving
     again?

or do I need the hook
   of potential pain
to stimulate
   my loving eye?
do I need the lure
   of uncertain gain
to decrease the temptation
   to pass you by?

I used to be locked
          where I ached for movement
I used to be blocked
          from reaching
now I struggle
          with loving
like a first-time swimmer
          with water

I'm not hooked
          on potential drowning
I don't need
          rocky channels
for my pleasure
          to show
maybe I need
          to love
          like I love swimming
          in an easy flow
maybe I need my loving
          to be like my swimming
               feeling my body flow
               in safe waters
               glad to stay far from
               a deadly
               undertow
but maybe it's easier
     to learn swimming
     than loving

so in the last analysis
should I have stayed
     with inner paralysis
not dredging up
     what's within?

at times
the situation seems
     no win
when I consider
     the clinch I'm in

or is this attraction
          just a passing phase?

or maybe even
          is there a lot to gain?

another time
will the hook of rejection
   be needed again?

or this time
what if
     you still
     your critical eye
     you come to desire
     me by your side?
will that give spac
for my rejecting gaze?
will I need another
potentially rejecting lover?

I don't know

that's a chance
you may
be unwilling
to take
too much
a gamble
on a ramble
through brambles
that may scratch you

it's a chance
I have
to take
for the stake
is a love
that wakens
love
not fear
of the pain
of the hood
or the hook

wish me luck

and in the meantime
maybe I'll do more swimming
feeling the steady flow
of my body in safe water

Elsa
June 9, 1994
© copyright Elsa Schieder, 2007, all rights reserved

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Terms of Endearment Are Cheap.

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A dozen years ago,
I began to wake up
with word pieces -
words music, spoken word, songs -
in my head.
Escape velocity.
Echo of the echo.
Tank almost empty.
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Elsa
September 13 , 2008
 © copyright - Elsa Schieder - 2008, all rights reserved

WORDS MUSIC WORDS

potential break up song,
love hurts music, rock lyrics,
rocky breakup lyrics,
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fed up break up
singing the blues

breakup poems
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rocky rock break up

Elsa
March 10, 2008
 © copyright - Elsa Schieder - 2008, all rights reserved

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