Language: You Turn To Despair, Find the Cave Of Despair, Feel Depths Of Despair. Easy to Say: It’s Always Darkest Before Dawn. So What?

 
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Language: You Turn To Despair, Find the Cave Of Despair,
Feel Depths Of Despair. Easy to Say: It’s Always Darkest Before Dawn.
So What? Elsas Creativity Blog on Despair.

DECEMBER 17, 2008

DESPAIR

I'm both ahead and not ahead.

Not ahead...

Will anyone read this? Am I writing this just with the illusion that it will reach others? Should I have gone to a conventional blog forum? But I heard that there it's no easier. Most people's words do not get heard.

I've tried to get the keywords right, on this blog and in so many places on this site. But somehow google, on this blog, does not like whatever I've done.

Sometimes I despair. Years go by. Years and decades.

****

There's also good news. A year ago, this site was getting less than 6,000 page views per month. Now - Nov 2008- it was just over 26,600 - a more than 5-fold increase. But it seems stuck. It's hardly moved the past several months, despite a lot of work on keywords and all those other things the search engines are supposed to like.

And I'm no closer to making any money from any of the creativity than a year ago. I read up on all kinds of make-money-on-the-web stuff. The biggest recommendations: create an info product that shows others how to make money on the web. That's not me.

Still, some days I feel despair.

****

I've been putting some of my father's poems on the web this past while. And I feel his despair. He remembers, in his case, an idealized home - but has no hope of coming to be at home again, or of returning home.

I am - and am not - like him. I keep trying, even on days like today. Today I'm taking action, but with no inner light.

****

It's always darkest before dawn, the words go though my mind. Well, in that case this is one of those dark northern nights, with months of darkness before dawn.

Anyway, despair - and at the same time, action and more action.

Sometimes it feels like the best thing is to give up - and yet I keep going

As always, welcome into my world.

signed,

Elsa

DECEMBER 17, 2008

copyright © Elsa Schieder 2008, 2011 - all rights reserved
publishing house - FlufferDuff Impressions 2008, 2011

Previous - Febuary 5, 2008

Next - May 15, 2008 - loss of desire

****

To go from I Turn to Despair to Try Try Try Again, click here.

To go from I Turn to Despair to Driven from Within, click here.

For all of Elsa's Creativity Blogs, click here.

Language: You Turn To Despair
F ind the Cave Of Despair,
Feel Depths Of Despair. Easy to Say:
It’s Always Darkest Before Dawn. So What?
Elsas Creativity Blog on Despair.

 

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****

I Turn to Despair, Feel Almost All the Way Down
to the Depths of Despair

I turn to despair, fall into despair, endure the depths of despair,
enter the cave of despair -
but at the same time I don't give up.

I don't turn to despair like to an old friend.
Wrong expression. I am gripped by despair.
I feel the depths of despair.

It's like feeling hunger when one hasn't had food for too long.

I'm sure there's a lot i could be doing better.

But still, despair, the depths of despair. I turn to despair,
return to despair especially in the evening,
turn to despair not like a plant turns to light but
like a plant wilts from not enough light -
almost like a warm human turns to stone

I turn to stone. Stone cold. Stone cold and shivering.

In the cave of despair, I turn every which way and then know,
I will feel better in the morning.

I know tomorrow will likely be better -
but most of all, things will be better if I reach more of my goals
.

Elsa
December 17, 2008
© Elsa Schieder, 2008 - all rights reserved

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