Buried Love. How to Love Yourself?
How to Find Love? How to Feel Love?
Healing Emotions, an Inner Journey
for Love of Self and Others.
the journey -
heart breaking open wide
IT STARTS HERE - BURIED LOVE
April 8, 2010
CONFESSIONS OF A LOVE-NOT JUNKIE
There are so many confessions from all kinds of addicts - heroin, crack, sex, love, grass, alcohol. People hooked on too much of something.
My story is different - and what astounds me is that I've both known and not known of this just about forever.
I'm a love-not junkie - somehow or other, so long ago that I have no memory of things ever having been different, I got hooked on not loving. It's not something I wanted more and more of - in fact, I've kept wanting things to change. Love, it's something I've wanted as much as any junkie craves being free from addiction. And yet of course something else keeps them hooked - until something is too much. And even then, most go back, at least for a time. Many keep going back - die from an overdose.
In my case, I could have died of love starvation - not being able to feel love because something had locked up the love feelings.
The rescue has been slow.
The most recent part started when I was left - not because of unlovingness, because of too much anger, years of anger. Anyway that was the reason that showed.
And I came to grief - and tangled in with the grief, love. Like seaweed, far below the surface, invisible from the surface, tangled all together.