IT'S TABOO TO SAY I LOVE YOU          THE STORY

It's taboo to say I love you
     just because I feel
          the words rising in me
          strong and clear and real

I hear the words
          I love you
     rising in my throat
But my throat closes on them

I try to say the words
               and almost choke
          It's taboo

It's taboo to say I love your touch
          the feeling of your skin
          the warmth of your flesh
          your heartbeat deep within

          It's taboo

I don't know who taught me
     must have been long ago
But clearly, strongly, deeply
               I know
          It's taboo

I almost broke the silence
               many, many times
But was held back by the feeling
               that to say
                    I love you
               was not just taboo
               but to lie

     To feel love
               is taboo
          an even deeper taboo

I don't know who taught me
     must have been long ago
But clearly, strongly, deeply
               I know
          It's taboo

The punishment?  Humiliation
The punishment?  Shame
The punishment?  Consternation
The punishment?  Blame
                 or blankness
                 or a thankless sigh

I'm unsure of the punishment
But I'd rather die

No one can make me
     say
          I love you
No one can break me
     or my heart
          in two

Except
I long to say
          I love you
I long to praise
          all of you
I long to feel
          a closeness
     that's taboo

It's taboo
          to say
               I love you
     Yet I long to say the words

It's taboo
          to feel
               such feelings

What if the words fall once more on deaf ears?
What if they once more go unheard?
And what if I'm wrong?
What if this isn't love I'm feeling at all?

Yet you say you love me
          That's not taboo
                    for you
          And I feel your words
                    throughout me
     That's not taboo

Inside me, turmoil
Outside, a quiet look
As inside I struggle with an age-old

     taboo

Elsa
November 8, 1994
© copyright Elsa Schieder, 1994, 2011, all rights reserved

****

THE STORY BEHIND THE SONG

November 2004. It had been a spring and summer and fall of song after song after song. I'd already tried to find musicians to work with. Not easy. I wasn't an insider. I was coming from left field. I didn't have a good singing voice. Good speaking voice though.

This piece has been recorded twice. Once with a melody from Ed Deigan, whom I met maybe 10 years ago (Tank Almost Empty, Words Cannot Contain). Don't know where that version is right now. And a second time with Michel Robidoux, a spoken word version, done in the hope of getting a grant to fund a spoken work CD. (Also with Michel Robidoux, Don't Waste My Time and The Echo of the Echo.)

As it turned out, that push for a grant came just about at the end of years of struggle to somehow get out into the world through finding musicians and also through finally getting a grant. Grants received: zero, though lots of positive reviews (and some negative).

Life took over - other things came to the forefront.

Last year I came back to my creative works, knowing that I needed a site. I didn't know just how it would shape up, but I knew utterly and profoundly that my works needed a home base, from which I could try to help them make their way into the world.

Lots of plans. Webcasts. Podcasts. Zee's Cafe Cafe.

But first, a home space.

Now it feels I'm very much at the jumping off point into the next phase.

For now I've dug out the spoken word version.

More is to be done - especially a version that comes close to what I hear in my head - but these versions will stay. The version I did with Ed came closer.

And then I want to do what I want done with most of my pieces, I want it woven into a story, so that it's part of the telling of a story.

Elsa
October 8, 2007

****

IT'S TABOO - COPYRIGHT

copyright © 2008 - Elsa Schieder - words and vocals, all rights reserved
copyright © 2008 - Michel Robidoux, music, all rights reserved

Click here for
The Warmth Within,
more romantic love song lyrics,
more romantic love poems and songs.

Click here for
Stop, Wait,... Go On,
another romantic deep love poem,
still more romantic love song lyrics.

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****

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So many moments of love, loss, everything.
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A dozen years ago,
I began to wake up
with word pieces -
words music, spoken word, songs -
in my head.
Escape velocity.
Echo of the echo.
Tank almost empty.
Can't cross the gap.
Welcome into my world.

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