Diary Blogs on Why No Love and
How to Love Yourself.
An inner journey for buried love
and emotional healing.
Blog journals on healing emotions,
love of self and others.
#1 ... recently I came to grief - and tangled in with the grief, love. Like seaweed, far below the surface, invisible from the surface, tangled all together.
**
#2 - April 8, 2010
I'm left with so many questions.
In the first place - no questions here - I know why I didn't get help early. I'm a no-problem person. I didn't get hooked on creeps and substances.
Later, when I couldn't really make things work in my life, when I could hold jobs and relationships but felt so much was missing, I dealt with a lot - anger, fear, parents, self-expression - so much, it felt like. But not not-loving, the feeling of never loving, hardly having any feelings of liking and loving.
There was one area where I liked easily - in my teaching. Instead of feeling nothing or boredom, I naturally felt liking - and loved this feeling. But it didn't go far in the rest of my life. Liking did come to the fore again when my partner and I started doing short term rentals - we met people briefly, often got to know them briefly. These people I liked.
Why? In both cases, no fear of being devoured and smothered, no fear of rejection. Instead interest, connection, real talk.
But surely I could have found more of that in life.
And what about love? So much lack of love.
One question: when did it happen?
**
I don't know when things got buried in me. My sense is I was under a year old ...
Diary Blogs on Why No Love and How to Love Yourself.
An inner journey for buried love and emotional healing.
Blog journals on healing emotions, love of self and others.
Elsa's Blog Journals. Elsas Diary Blogs on Personal Growth and Development