#3 ... it feels as if the love-not barrier is buried in the body.
#4 - April 8, 2010
Here's a story. A true story I came across in the news, maybe a year or so ago. A story about a treasure buried for thousands of years, and only accidentally discovered, though sitting on display for ages and ages.
A clay statue long kept - I think in a museum - in some fluke got wet. Under a corner of it, gold was revealed. At that, there were x-rays or ultrasounds - anyway, technology was used, and it turned out that below the rough clay statue, was a much more beautiful gold statue.
The people who discovered this - archeologists, I believe - guess that several thousand years ago, this was the most valuable religious object of some group. When marauders came, the priests covered the statue rapidly with clay.
Why was it never uncovered? The assumption: all the priests were murdered, so there was no one left to retrieve it. And the marauders saw a piece of worthless junk, which they left to be buried slowly by sand and debris, not to be discovered for thousands of years, until archeologists went digging. Then they found exactly what the marauders had left behind as worthless.
For them, clay statues counted as buried treasures. They were delighted.
But still they did not uncover the secret. For them the clay figure itself was valuable.
So it's only a fluke that led to what was below.
The archeologists removed the sand and debris. They left the clumsy clay.
I don't mean that gold has more value than clay.
I do mean that the thing so valued by the long-ago group was the golden figure - a golden calf, if I remember right.
So there were buried treasures under the long buried treasure.
As for myself, maybe the sand and debris - that was the clutter of things that did get removed when I started paying attention to things not feeling right in my life, and got help. Underneath was, one could say, a clay figure - creativity, writing, idea pieces, more productivity than ever.
I hardly came to love.
I did with animals - and there slowly, in eruptions - as if a part of the golden figure did became visible. And that would stay.
But the biggest part of the gold stayed buried -lovingness, true deep loving feelings for my partner, for anyone.
The clay calf did much. She cared about the world. She thought and wrote. It's just that there was, is, more.
So much more in terms of healing emotions, feelings emotions. Instead, buried love, buried loving feelings.
I feel sadness for how I have lived with others - and with myself. Sadness for the loss of so much time, so much love, so much possibility, years of unlovingness.
And I ask: this was screaming out. Why was it not picked out ...?