Carl Jung Shadow Work. What about the vampire archetype shadow? Self and shadow. How to integrate the shadow with worms in her heart, worms in her soul.

SELF? SHADOW? - which
is which? - June 17, 2010

SELF BETRAYAL -
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SHADOW WORK -
the vampire archetype -
June 6, 2010

HOW TO STOP ANGER - quick
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EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED -
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SHIFTING REALITIES -
Nov 19, 09

AVOIDANCE? or SANITY? -
Nov 1, 09

DEATH BY CHATTER -
Oct 25, 09

INSIDER OUTSIDER -
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TRAVEL THOUGHTS -
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Carl Jung Shadow Work. What about
the vampire archetype shadow? Self and shadow.
How to integrate the shadow with worms in her heart,
worms in her soul.

June 5, 2010

THE SHADOW LURKS ...

We've all heard of the shadow - and how we need to see, in what we're most repelled by, disowned aspects of ourselves.

Those are dry clinical words. Here's a bit of flesh and blood wrestling with a powerful shadow. You could call it the vampire archetype.

Worms in her heart
     worms in her soul
a healthy man's
     blood would run cold

She thinks she's a victim
     remembers abuse
denying her present
     people are to be used ...

I was going out with someone who had gone out with someone else - someone who, from her description, was exceptionally good at taking, taking, and taking some more.

I started writing ...

Lots of vehemence in my words about her. Worms in her heart, worms in her soul ...

Later I was accused of being like that person - which stunned me. Otherwise, I was told, I would never have written like that.

I pushed the comment away angrily.

Now it's coming back, playing in my mind.

The shadow lurks, are words going through my mind.

My shadow: the one who longs to be taken care of. Instead, being taken care of has been - in good measure - taboo.

As for taking care of myself - in some ways, that's been even more taboo. I must take care of the other. I must feel their needs way more than mine.

And I must - so it says inside me - trust. I must trust the other will be fair. Otherwise, I am treating them as untrustworthy. I must take the risk of trusting.

I am thinking of money loaned easily to someone I barely knew. Yes, there were business dealings - so I could be relatvly sure to be able to recoup the money from future transactions. But this money lent so readily actually complicated things - plus this was at a time when I was in a financial corner myself.

It didn't make sense, not from a logical rational perspective. It made total sense to my inner self - until I had to live through months of doubt and uncertainty.

And even then, I loaned again - and again.

Nuts, totally nuts, I go - but I can feel the siren call.

It's time, I would say, to welcome the shadow - not the devouring vampire with worms in her heart and soul, but the one who strongly acts to protect herself, who takes care of her needs and wants.

Otherwise, vampires abound - others devouring my time and energy not only because I let this happen, but because I offer. Here, take, and take some more.

It would be fine if this were actually what I most deeply desired - but afterwards there is always the lurking worry, will this work out okay (and it has not always) - and there is also likely to be deep intense anger.

Worms in her heart
worms in her soul ...

Time to do something about those worms.

I have been letting so much anger go, moving away from old patterns of anger - which has led to much more self experience, to much more of a sense of what's buried under the anger.

So is that woman me, the woman with worms inside her? I think I should welcome her - not so that she becomes all of me, but that I take care of myself. I think, actually, I am welcoming her - she's needed, inside me, to balance the intense desire to help others.

In other words, it's time to integrate the shadow - the starving vampire. Actually, I think I have been doing that.

Amazing how long it takes - to go from lip service to deeply internalizing the healthy part of a seemingly all-horrible shadow.

**

And then, a sudden realization: without enough of what I've seen as the vampire there is self betrayal, something that's been huge in my life. It hasn't been all self-betrayal, by any means - but such a powerful force all the same, when I haven't had, strong enough within me, the one I've experienced as a vampire to protect me.

The need, of course, is balance.

In the meantime, the flip side of keeping distant from the vampire archetype - self betrayal.

Elsa
stirring inner fires
releasing inner riches
plus - expert

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stirring inner fires
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