Doubt Blog. I make a difference. People make a difference.
I keep hearing that. I write. So many voices. Self doubt.
I know my value. But do I make a difference in life?
So many of us, so much creativity, caring.
Why add to the many voices?

JANUARY 10, 2008

SO MANY VOICES. DO I MAKE A DIFFERENCE? SELF DOUBT

For some people, it's love. For some people, it's figuring out who they are. For some it's figuring out what they want to do.

For me, it's creativity - the central driving force in my life.

Not just creativity. It getting my stuff out into the world.

It was, for years, relationships, inner self, self development. Nothing was of greater interest.

But that wasn't my first drive - and it isn't my current biggest drive.

Creativity. Making stories. Connecting thoughts. Creating images.

****

And then the big question: does it matter, any of it? does it matter, if I reach people? So many voices, so many caring people, so many stories. Do I make a difference? Doubt. Self doubt. I know: people make a difference, everyone makes a difference, you can make a difference, know the value of each and every one of us. But do I really matter?

One part of me is sure of the value of what I have to say.

Another part of me, doubt, self doubt. So what, it goes.

****

Creativity. So many ups and downs. Ups - more people coming to the site, emails telling me people have gotten things from different parts of the site, the writings on home, the idea pieces, the preteen story. But it's such a big world out there. And there are so many people with a lot to offer.

Sometimes it feels like the best thing is to give up - and yet I keep going, putting long hours into making the site more appealing to search engines and easier for people to find. I also keep writing and posting things. Me. Me. Me. Each of the pieces says that to me: I'm important, take me, show me, get me out into the world.

And then there is the other part of me. That one says, you're one of so many people, why keep going.

****

It's easy to understand people not going on, listening to the voice of self doubt - especially with all the other stuff pulling at us, at me - daily stuff, work, a million different things.

****

And yet ... I'm writing this on a day I'm giving totally to fixing all kinds of details on the site, details meant to get more people to come take a look, stay, come back, subscribe to the updates. And I see so much more I want to get it done.

So this massive feeling of futility is actually coming as I'm gardening away at the site, clearing away weeds, adding fertilizer.

As always, welcome into my world.

signed,

Elsa

JANUARY 10, 2008
copyright © Elsa Schieder 2008, 2009 - all rights reserved

Previous - December 6, 2007

Next - February 4, 2008 - driven from within

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