Being stuck in too small a life. Lots of blisters and worse,
like the dancer caught in magic red dancing shoes.
How to find the right size life? Choices.
Diary Blogs, Creativity Blog.

MAY 28 , 2007

STUCK IN TOO SMALL A LIFE

What size of life is the right size?

"If the shoe fits, wear it," is an old slogan. Well in this case, the shoe is beginning to give me blisters.

My mother was one of the many women of her generation stuck, for many years, in too small a life. In her case, it had to do with the traditional role of women. She needed more than taking care of the home and children. She enjoyed being out in the grown-up world, working. In her case, to feel satisfied she only needed part-time work, but without that outside stimulation, something was missing.

Right now, I see so many people around me - like myself, like my partner, rushing, overwhelmed, always too much to do.

This life is feeling increasingly too small for me, and I'd guess for many people. Lots of blisters, as we keep on going - dancing like the dancer caught in magic red dancing shoes that wouldn't stop. In her case, if I remember the fairy tale right, she finally dropped dead. In mine, I find it easy to get snappy.

But much of the demands, in my case anyway, come from me. I'm feeling confined by a long things-to-de list that comes, in part at least, from my own choices.

There's more than one side of me. And another side, with very different priorities, is clamoring away these days.

The other priorities. The creativity site. My creative projects. My idea pieces.

But the other projects say: Me first! You need to do me first! You have this obligation and that obligation to this person and that person! This fire needs to be put out, and that fire needs to be put out. That other stuff can wait. It doesn't have a deadline. Our stuff is urgent. Now! Get it done!

But, the other voices insist quietly, what is most important to you, and even in its own tiny way, to the world?

I know my inside answer. If any of my writings - from the idea pieces to the spoken word pieces to Caro's Quest - touch people, those things matter more.

The other demands are to make money - and also, mixed in with that, to take care of other people and in so doing, make money.

I have no difficulty giving those demands time and space. It's just that a voice inside me is saying - enough.

It has partly to do with outside circumstances. We were supposed, by now, to have someone working with us, which would free up my time. It's taken longer than we expected - not easy finding the right people. Within a few weeks everything should be on track. But this last stretch is going against my inner priorities.

This life is too small, says that voice. It's living with a corset instead of breathing freely. It's dancing with crazy red dancing shoes that won't stop instead of shoes that fit. I'm not dancing - the shoes are!

****

I know that most people always have to juggle. I think though, that I'm far from the only one who, these days, is being pulled too far off track, longing to get into a life that feels better, more the right fit.

****

So here's to living the right size life.

In my case, writing outward to you, whoever you are, is part of "the right size life."

Something else? Yes, most recently i took the time to type the word piece I wrote after the death of a friend's son, and it's now on the web:

               words cannot describe
               words cannot describe
                              your leaving

               words cannot contain
               words cannot contain

Here's the whole piece - WORDS CANNOT CONTAIN

Life, loving, closeness, and in my case, trying to describe that, catch it in words - that is much of what makes life feel the right size for me.

****

All the best,

And with that,

As always, welcome into my world.

signed,

Elsa
creating, connecting, exchanging -
or anyway, trying to

MAY 28, 2007

copyright © Elsa Schieder 2007
publishing house - FlufferDuff Impressions 2007

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