From a cog in a wheel, to a wheel, to a vehicle. Feeling powerful,
confident,on the verge of success.
Getting unstuck, moving, achieving. Creative breakthrough.

OCTOBER 10, 2006

FROM A COG IN A WHEEL,
TO A WHEEL, A VEHICLE AND WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE

I have been getting the sense, lately, of having shifted from being a cog in a wheel, to being a wheel with lots of cogs, or maybe even to the beginnings of a vehicle.

I have nothing against being a cog - as long as it's a cog it suits us to be. I'm a teacher, have taught for over two decades at the university and college level. I didn't set up the teaching situations, the pay scales, the educational requirements. So in many senses, I've been a cog within the educational wheel. It's been great. There's a part of me that's deeply satisfied with teaching, when I have the sense of reaching students.

I've also had the sense of being stuck as a cog in a wheel I have broken free of much faster than I did. I worked for years as a flight attendant for an airline - one small cog in the airline wheel, the much larger travel industry wheel. It was wrong for me, because it didn't use nearly enough of me. I've stayed grateful because I had financial stability, something lacking in my childhood; because it gave be a chance to travel and see places. But it wasn't right for me.

Maybe best, when I was a cog in that wheel, is that I brought along books to most of my layovers - did loads of academic work on my M.A. and the Ph.D. I even did marking, in the years that my two careers overlapped - no steady teaching available, too dangerous and too scary to leap with nowhere to go.

But now things have changed in a big way. I have a sense of having turned into a wheel. Not a big wheel, a big shot, a wheeler dealer.

But a wheel all the same.

I have two sites, first a vacation rental one with my partner. We're not cogs in the wheel. If we stop, the wheel stops turning. The site falls by the roadside. Its almost two hundred pages could be (virtual) dust amidst heaps and heaps of other (virtual) dust and ashes from other defunct sites.

Of course I could see us as cogs in the web wheel, but that's not how I feel.

As a teacher, too, I have no real sense of being a cog. I feel at home in most of my classes. But I realize that the structure of the college won't vanish if I leave.

The vacation rental site, on the other hand, depends on Philippe and me.

As for the creativity site, it's even more a wheel of my making. The opening page - a collage I've created, links to my writings and my plans. The site - a preteen story I wrote, ideas I've thought out, mainly my images, my word pieces, almost entirely my efforts.

There's input and help from others - most of all my partner Philippe, whom I like showing thing to, especially if I'm stuck, and who helps unstick me, even if it's by irritating me with his response, but more often by giving me a vision that adds to my own. Then there's Mark, prof, electroacoustic musician, music producer and long-time friend - a collaborator on more than one project and a support for years. Lots of hopes and dreams for ever more and ever better. And there's Karen, painter and long-time friend who's been part of helping me move when I've been stuck in some writings. And Eva, dance teacher extraordinaire, who believes in keeping dreams alive.

No cogs there.

What do we have instead? The making of a wheel that can roll out into the world - and more than a wheel, a vehicle. What kind of vehicle? A Creativity Emporium - definitely not a cog. That kind of vehicle could even have a life if I took time off, a life of its own, both through my works, and then the works of others.

There is the question of fuel - because until now the wheel has not rolled under its own steam. It's been taking my energy, and it hasn't been bringing in any material rewards.

But there have been rewards. Some days I feel low, sure things will never work out. But some days I'm elated. Today is one of those days. I see the pages. I feel there's momentum. Not quite that of a steam engine just yet, chugging along with a full head of steam. A different momentum - more volatile with the quirks of search engines, large emailings, and with the quirks of interest. Will anything catch the interest of many people, I ask? That has been an almost lifelong question.

Today I feel like a wheel, ready to roll - and words from one of my pieces has just come to mind - words about heading out from shore in a rowboat, heading for trouble, bibble bibble bubble. (For the full piece, it's right below.)

Those aren't the words of someone who feels like a cog.

As always, welcome into my world.

signed,

Elsa

OCTOBER 10 , 2006

copyright © Elsa Schieder 2006, 2011
publishing house - FlufferDuff Impressions 2006, 2011

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HEADING FOR TROUBLE

Losing my head
     heading for trouble
Losing my head
     bibble bibble bubble
Losing my head
     rubba dubba double
Losing my head

     out of control

                     Eee ayy ahhhhhhh

Losing my head
     heading out from shore
Losing my head
     in a rowboat
Losing my head
     tubble tubble trouble
Losing my head

     wild waves
          rocking the boat

                     Eee ayy ahhhhhhh

Not a rocking chair
     steady like a heart
Like a tidal wave
     sweeping as it goes
     steady in its power
     powerful in its roar
  heading for trouble

I'm losing my head
     losing control
I'll never die from boredom
Losing my head
          once more

Storm forewarning
bells
unsteady as she blows

Losing control

     on the dibble double

Losing control
     unsteady on my feet
          but ever ready
          to dance to a beat
          that needn't be steady

Elsa Schieder
May 30, 1996

copyright © Elsa Schieder 2006, 2011
publishing house - FlufferDuff Impressions 2006, 2011

As always, welcome into my world.

______________

 

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